The Eyepeeyell Awards

Posted in Awards by eyepeeyell on April 18, 2010

Apparently, there is some lameass IPL awards thing going on. I saw the categories and options and almost regurgitated my afternoon lunch of prime cut beef from BJP constituencies in Karnataka. So I’ve decided to institute my own awards, with cogent, well-thought-out and meaningful categories and options

DC vs RCB: They Came. They drank beer. They went zoozoo

Posted in Match Report by eyepeeyell on April 13, 2010

RCB played like a bunch of energetic chaps of the kind that come dressed snazzily to parties, proceed to consume more liquor than their constitution can hold and as the party goes along, look increasingly sloshed out, moronic, slobbery and eventually slump partially clothed on a sofa at which point several artistically minded souls write inappropriate verses on their bodies and take photos that are then uploaded online.

DC, on the other hand, played like those kids who never do well at school, flunk most subjects that require rote learning and spend their entire childhoods with an inferiority complex arising from their nerdy peers who do well, and then all of a sudden, discover that one good thing that drives their passion and proceed to become extremely successful while leaving behind their better academically performing nerds in boring, unsatisfying desk jobs.

In other news, the blimp continued to undo every bit of brand goodwill that MRF had built in its entire existence. It’s like that stuffy, lifeless chap who worked hard all his life to make it big and then suddenly, just when he’s about to be promoted, completely loses it and runs around the office with his dick hanging out

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No. The IPL is not fixed

Posted in We are all idiots by eyepeeyell on April 12, 2010

Most criticism of cricket in India tends to degenerate into the “This match is fixed” conclusion in quicker time than it takes for an Ajit Agarkar delivery to be dispatched to the point boundary. Anytime somebody does not like something they see, they are quick to call it “match-fixing”. I’ve been seeing fair bit of this on my Twitter stream, so I felt that I should clarify this in more than 140 characters.


The IPL matches are not fixed. Let’s not be as retarded as those commentators, alright? Just because some random pattern we made up in our minds came true during a cricket game, it does not mean that the match was fixed. Just because the points table is tight does not mean that it’s match-fixing. It just means that you don’t understand basic probability. It’s not easy to pull off a fixed match for the simple reason that way too many people need to get involved. Even if you buy off a bunch of players, you honestly think someone like Rahul Dravid or Sachin will throw their wickets? You probably drive a fucking CBZ if you think that.

There’s only one kind of match-fixing in India and that’s done by conservative parents whose kids don’t have the balls to find a life partner for themselves.

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